kisses

I am so tired.
anxious.
lonely.
Tired of this place.
Tired of this job.
waiting. waiting for what?
anything. anything.
a train to take me away from all I know.
unfamiliarity calls to me.
bored.
I am one of those people. floating.
looking in a mirror and seeing what I loathe.
wondering what good.
what change
can occur near me.
from me
by me.
i shake my head.
what is in my hands that i can give?
I am tired of not giving.
tired of not being.
tired.
tired of me.

I long so much for a home I have never been to.
A home I can only feel my heart crave for.
aching from the separation.

i shake my head.
walk away from the mirror.
useless thoughts.
wasted thoughts.
where can i get new ones?

then. now. here.

stardust falls upon me.
tiny sighs of relief,
glimpses into true reality.
kisses of home.

love, deep red love.
grace, clear translucent grace.
hope, warm tender hope.
tears. falling. renewing. reminding.

I feel humble.
warm.
amazed.
kissed by stardust.
now i see.
now nothing matters.
now the pearl of great price is in front of me.
now nothing little is worth much.
petty.

I'll take the stardust.
I'll take God's grace.
they sit.
sacred.
in my hands.
in my head.
in my soul.
i have something to give.
if only for today.