corporate america comes to call

Recently I found myself in a morally frustrating dilemma.

Like all restaurants, we have our regulars. We have as detailed notes as possible on each guest:

• names of boyfriends
  
• preferred drink
  
• who they know
  
• how fast the like their food
• their favorite childhood toy

We print those notes out for Front of House and Back of house staff. Because God forbid we should forget to put salt on their table the moment they are seated OR forget to notify important people in the back that there are important people in the front they have to dilly dally with.

This particular guest comes in only at lunch. We all know him by name and most of us, he knows by name. I won't tell you what he does exactly. But let's just say he gets to come get a free meal while different "potentials" pitch their deal to him, pay for his salmon or steak and two glasses of wine... and in return, he decides what to do with their pitch.
Very nice man.
We would talk to him after his "potentials" left as he moved to the bar for an after lunch drink.
AFTER LUNCH DRINK? working....?
Anyway. So fine- he's a lush. But he's super congenial and polite and we all like him.
Because anyone who looks you in the eye and says please and thank you in this business is an absolute gem in a world of dumb rocks.
yes. I just made up that analogy. thank you.

Anyway, the economy hasn't been doing it's best (THAT'S why your resumes are getting ripped up) and at some point our lovely little patron started requesting copies of the check. At first we just shrugged out shoulders.

SO WHAT if he pretends he doesn't eat here 3 times a week on someone else's tab and always get's the most expensive item on the lunch menu.
SO WHAT if he always orders 2 glasses of wine and pretends to be modest about it.
He's nice.

But a copy of the check.... why?
First we were in Denial. Well....at least I was. Ever the positive thinker that believes the world is incapable of anything but puppy dogs and red balloons I say
"Maybe he just wants to keep track of which days he is eating salmon and which day he is eating steak?"
"No. Jenny. He is getting reimbursed."
"But how could he? He didn't pay for it!"
*crushed*
I walk away. It can't be. So I ignore it.
But then I come in and get him again a month later. I am told by my co-workers that he now asks for a check without the alcohol listed. They start telling me the different ways they hand him the check discreetly. But still that silence sits over the table where everyone knows he got a copy, and everyone knows why.

Sure enough, he orders his salmon and quietly says "and I'll need a copy without the alcohol on it"
I shove that "whatever you say but you're an asshole" smile on my face and say "sure" and go get his wine.
He's not cute now. He isn't nice. He's tricky. He's underhanded, and he's cheating.
But what can I do? He brings business to our restaurant several times a month and usually runs a large tab.
What can they do? he brings business to those people if they keep their mouths shut and pitch it right.

So I bring the host her check. And I slide his check in his hand. And she notices.
She pauses as I walk away. I can't hear what she says but she is clearly confused why he is getting a check. He says something about "records" and "work" and she nods her head. We all see that look. We all know what's going on. But we nod our heads like we believe him.

I was pretty upset leaving work. I considered putting in the notes. DO NOT EVER SEAT WITH JC! But I didn't. Because someone will hand him that check. And I may as well get paid $20-40 to hand it to him....Because it's a hard economy and a lunch shift with an extra $20 to $40 a week is an extra $80 to $160 a month.

So have I just placed my hand on corporate America's hand and helped them in the honeypot? Will I refuse to serve him next time he comes in or will I take him "one last time"?
Guess we'll see.

A Tip

"Prom and Joyce Meyer conference this weekend" we hear circulating around work.
For those of us who know who Joyce Meyer is we groan.
For those of us who worked prom season last year we groan.
(I groaned for both).

we are well aware of those who tip 10% or less.
and among a few others...prom and Joyce Meyer Christian people fit into that category. Don't get me wrong, I'm a Christian and I was raised among the 10%ers and I was taught to tip better than that and behave better than that (Thanks Earl and Linda). I broke the stereotype and everyone has a chance to. Most just don't. And it pisses me off.

"We are in a hurry to go to a Joyce Meyer conference" my table says. Oookkkkayyy.... I'm on it. I expedite their food, run my ass off for their every request, and give a polite laugh when they can't for the life of them figure out why there isn't salt and pepper on the table like the local diner and think it's the funniest thing since Bob Saget narrated home videos.
All the while I try to remain optimistic that they aren't like everyone else.
After they leave and I am confident they received the best possible service I open the check. $42 bill...$3.98 tip.
wow. Jesus loves you too. Instead of helping me pay rent you just contributed towards a cup of coffee or half a tank of gas. awesome.

Why is it that instead of taking comfort in the fact that my guests pray before their meal I roll my eyes and mark them off for any money. They talk about pastors, Jesus, Church politics, and helping people and I guess they are so poor they can't afford a tip. But it wouldn't bother me SO much (other people leave 10% too) if they didn't demand, pick apart, and treat you like shit before they leave you nothing. Even on the Christian radio they laugh about how they made their waitress run around for all their requests. OH that was SO FUNNY.

Now I just wait for the prom kids to come in, steal our candles, giggle while they throw bread at eachother, and leave us 10% tip with mom and dad's credit card.

Not saying I'm perfect. No one models Jesus love all the time. But something is wrong when every person who works in the food industry knows that most Christians tip poorly.

Here's a tip: don't ask me if I know the Lord and then leave 10% when your every whim was catered too. If your what Jesus looks like then no wonder so many people groan.

sorry-I know it's on the hypocritical side but had to get it out. sigh.